What on earth is happening?

2009-09-01T01:31:00.001-07:00

Kids are not toys

2009-05-26T01:31:00.000-07:00

Call me an old maid but I am one of those twenty-something girl who watch Oprah from time to time.

Oprah has always been the ideal role model for every woman, for not only her career is such an inspiration to the many but also for the good deeds that she continously dedicate for those who are unfortunate, especially the kids in Africa. God Bless Oprah! Although perhaps she needs to be more thorough in checking teacher's background profile when recruiting for the new batch so that the molestation case will not happen again.

Dr. Bruce Perry was one of the guests of the show, and they discussed about the shocking differences in MRI scans of a 3 year old neglected child in comparison to the brain of a normal child that is spoiled by nurture.

The neglected child had a smaller brain with more dark spaces throughout the cortex, indicating under development of the brain. Perry, who specializes in Child Psychiatry further explained that the child has been physically and psychologically neglected. The dark spots tells that the child is lacking in neuron connectivity. High stimulation of the neuron is needed to increase our brain functions. He stressed that stimulation such as touch, hugs, kisses - physical stimulation between the child and its parents are extremely crucial during developmental stages. The child need to 'recognize' its parents and register it in his/her memory. Evolution is not just about genetic codes, but its genetics combined with the environment and certainly, bad environment will influence the characteristic of the genes.

The discussion raised an important question: can children who suffered from severe neglection recover?

I admire social workers. Those people who dedicate their time picking up other people's slack. Those who are passionate about helping traumatized child abuse victims. Because without them, their parents probably couldn't care less. Without these non-profit organizations and volunteers, there will be more kids on the street dealing drugs because they don't know how to cope with their resentment and rage. Some damages are permanent, and it's sad to know that even though help is a phonecall away - it is too late. But it is better late than never at all. We should focus on the damages that are still fixable throughout time. Some people never realize that deep within they are in some ways traumatized by events occured in the past that involves the family. If Sigmund Freud is still alive, he will have an orgasmic time analyzing my dreams even though I won't necessarily agree with his interpretations/psychoanalysis.

I don't know how people can recover from an unhappy childhood. One Michael Jackson is enough. I do not wish to see another human being suffer as much as Jackson is at the moment. Psychologists and Psychiatrists argues on the existence of mental health. Is there such thing as mental health? Is it the mind or is it the brain? I say, the mind and the brain is interconnected both in a molecular and psychological level.

How do we then fix a broken relationship? By replacing it with another relationship? What kind of relationship? Relationship with the opposite sex? Oedipus Complex? Mother-like figure? Or Relationship with the self? Spirituality? Technology? Alcohol? Sex? Money?

The 21st century provides technology as amusement. David Letterman said, "It's ok. We need to be amused." But then I realized that perhaps parents are replacing their maternal connectivity by providing their children with all the toys they can afford - thinking that they are actually good parents because they are able to provide all those things for the kid. Now I am sitting here wondering, were they expecting Barbie to explain how to cope with drugs? Certainly not, because parents are more worried if eventually the kid fails to become the perfect Barbie.

It seemed that toys are replacing all that quality time over social intimacy/relations. When I observe people with their kids, or those who are spending time with their kids - quite often, this quality time usually translates to playing something with the child. An object/s will somehow managed to be involve within this quality time. I can't really blame visual aid, but more of those things such as playing soccer, video games, etc. Activities that can be done together without really being conversant, except perhaps explaining the concept of winning or loosing.

When the child having tantrums, they will just give them toys (or ice cream) or whatever they want, and hopefully he/she will stop screaming. When the child wants something against the parents' will, the child will again scream and cry. Sometimes there are no explanations, only authorities. Strict boundaries are made clear that we as a child have no right or know better than the parents, simply because... parents know everything otherwise we will not become parents and have children. It becomes important to create boundaries to form discipline for the child. The life at home becomes similar to the days in military school. If we are being a good kid, we will get the rewards.

When fascination with objects replaces the psychological and physical connectivity between parents and child, how on earth do you expect a child to not rebel when the initial connectivity has never been established?

I love technology, I think it's awesome. I think it is possible for us now to live independent of social interactions because most social engagements are now done through the web. All you need is a Blackberry, iPhone or laptop with internet connections and you are set to life. You don't necessarily need to be there physically with your friends or family because you can spend time talking to them through Skype. You can always turn to your iPod if you cannot be bothered socializing. There's the XBox or Wii to amuse you if anything else fails.
Or if you hate TV that much, surfing around YouTube is a great way to waste your time.

It's all self-entertainment.

Sounds familiar?

We used to play with Barbie and Ken, or Ultraman and Power Rangers. As we grow older, we play with other things that fascinate us. Are all these things real? Could it be that the toys were merely a replacement of the social interaction or parental intimacy that we needed as a child? I am only twenty five and I wish I have a lawyer who specifically deals with my relationships because I would rather self-entertain myself than spend the time arguing over irreconciable differences. Are we all running away from our problems? Are we not much different from our parents? Are we actually learning anything from them? Are we just organisms that mimicks the behavior of the parents & environment?

When the parents are occupied with their own marital problems or their own mental instability, they replace their nurturing with other currencies. Neglecting, ignoring, forgiving, spoiling. Without actually knowing what they are doing.

And it's only a matter of time before the two generations fill their amusement in the same currency; namely money, sex, alcohol and drugs.
We all succumb to the laziness of an easy way out.

But just so that you know:
Toys will always be toys, it could never be love.
And kids are not toys, who you can just give toys when you want to play with yours.

Because it is not just about birth control

What on earth is happening?

Kids are not toys